Updated: Nov 23
A few years ago I felt just totally done with #peoplepleasing.
I was done with wearing a mask, I was done with saying what people wanted to hear, I was done with saying “yes” when I really just wanted to say “no”.
I wanted people to know the “real” me.
I wanted to just say what I was really thinking #nofilter
I wanted to belong to myself.
I wanted to be #authentic… and damn the consequences!!!
People could lump it or leave it, was my thought at the time.
I was too burnt out and exhausted to care anymore.
And so... the pendulum swung and I dropped intense interactions all over place.
Bam: from being a “yes of course” person, to burning down the whole village.
Except, I discovered something… that approach didn’t bring me the connection and #belonging I wanted either.
Yes, true, I did belong to myself… but gosh I still yearned and yearned for more connection with other humans.
Even though I was “belonging to myself”, speaking my truth and being “authentic”, I still felt lonely.
What had I missed?
Why still the longing and loneliness?
You see… I had missed a critical step in doing “the work”.
I had done #thework to discover myself, be myself, and to accept myself.
But, I hadn’t done “the work” to build the interpersonal skills that provide the #emotionalsafety for other people to feel they could also share themselves with me…
instead, my “authentic” truth, scared others into closing down and being defensive…
Which is not the foundation upon which connection can be built.
True #intimacy requires providing the safety for other people to feel they can also share themselves with me… there must be space for me to be me, and them to be them… so we can both connect at an authentic, intimate level.
When I made the interactions all about me and my truth, I built a wall… closing out the possibility of being allowed into the hearts of others…
My "unfiltered truth", was blocking mutual intimacy.
And, so, I realised:
it’s not enough to embrace your truth, you also need to learn how to message your truth in a way that makes other people still feel safe and connected with you…
we must develop the #interpersonalskills to be able to message our "truth" in a way that creates connection...
We can learn to speak in a way that welcomes people into knowing and connecting with our authentic truth...
Which, in the end, actually gets us the outcome we always wanted. To feel understood. To feel seen. To feel known. To feel authentically connected.
Your truth is beautiful... and people are able to actually be with it, witness it and connect with it (and you!) when it is channeled through the skillset of connecting conversation skills.
We need, yes know thyself, and also communicate thyself in an interdependent way that fosters mutual connection and intimacy.
Which is why I support my 1on1 clients with both:
the inner work and,
the outer skillset work,
that is required to create true love and belonging in their life.
So, that their life can finally overflow with the love that their heart has been yearning for.
So that the desperate "itch" for belonging, can finally feel "soothed".
Book your free strategy call with me now here.
P.S. Time to finally get the love you want? Here are a few ways I can help you:
1. Follow me on instagram - it's the place I hang out the most online, let you know when new podcast episodes (for the "Love, with Elise Peck" podcast) have been published, and provide tips to get you real results in your love life (and we have some fun and laughs too!). Click here to follow my instagram account.
2. Tune into the "Love, with Elise Podcast" - enjoy listening along as I interview people with the love they want, to find out how they got that result. I weave in relationship insights, wisdom, practical tips and frameworks on how to get the love you want, as I interview relationship masters... so that you're learning while being immersed in listening to a love story... think of it as an "infotaining" way to learn how to get the love you want. I also interview other love experts and we gain their love tips too. Click here to listen to the podcast.
3. Join "The Love Elixir" - if you're ready to totally up-level your love life, to build a strong connection with yourself, to release and alchemise your inner love blocks, to figure out what has been blocking the love you want, to up-level your inner and outer love game, and to ignite your authentic attractive energy so that you become a magnet and match for the love you want... the The Love Elixir is for you. It's a consume-at-your-own-pace online video course, organised across 4 modules that address the 4 keys to getting the love (and marriage) you want (whether you're single or already coupled up), and includes personalised advice in a Q&A section where you can submit your personal questions and receive a personal response straight from me (Elise Peck). If you're ready to radically up level your love life, click here to get "The Love Elixir" now.