Updated: Aug 14
Have you ever seen someone else flirting with or showing interest in your romantic partner, and felt that uncomfortable pang of jealousy? This blog is for you.
Today I received this question in my instagram direct message inbox (the "DMs")
(feel free to send me your questions too, they might just inspire my next piece of content and solve your current predicament 💭):
Q: “Elise, I’d love to hear your thoughts on what to do when you feel jealous and other women are trying to steal your man?”
1. Feel the feelings,
2. Be with the feeling,
3. When masculine asks how you’re feeling courageously express what you’re feeling from your core emotion with “I” statements… taking personal responsibility for your feelings (no blaming or shaming i.e. I feel...., I'm scared about..., I'm feeling triggered by....)
4. Ensure you’re regularly bringing feminine energy into the relationship so that his cup is feeling full & content with you:
I.e. being a source of play, fun, depth of feelings, inspiration, joy, boundaries, speaking your truth, physical touch (even just holding hands), appreciating the masculine’s efforts, personally feeling aligned, lit up and turned on by life, etc
5. Realise that when it comes to masculine energy, feminine energy will always be the most magnetic - so go into your body & feelings, and out of your head or fight mode
6. Understand that attraction and commitment are 2 very different things. It’s normal that he will be attracted to many people, but he’s only “committed” to you, and only acts on his "attraction" with you... and that’s what matters.
7. Realise that:
the more a masculine energy has invested in/committed to you, the less and less likely he his to get distracted with any other fleeting attraction he has elsewhere.
Masculine values things the more they invest in them. The more effort he has put into you & the relationship, the less likely he is to just throw all that effort away over some short term attraction…
so long as his investment with you is meeting his core relationship needs.
If he feels that his investment and efforts are never enough for you, and he just can't seem to ever succeed at making you satisfied or happy with him... that his predominant experience is that no matter how hard he tries, he just seems to always fail in your eyes... then this rule won't hold, and he will be likely to start wavering in his commitment.
So, be sure to acknowledge what you do like about him, and let him know when he is succeeding at making you happy.
On a baseline, he needs to know that he can succeed in this relationship.... if he feels that, and has invested significant effort in getting the relationship to that place, he is very unlikely to throw all that commitment away over momentary "attraction".
8. Do some mindset work to get comfortable with the “worst case scenario”
what would be the benefits of him running off with her?
How would that actually serve you?
Could that potentially make room for someone even better, who has more discipline, self control & delayed gratification to see through their commitments and to not get distracted by fleeting “attraction”?
If he has so little self-control, then might she have actually done you a favour in revealing how easy is was for him to get distracted from his commitment?
(answering these question to come to a more neutral state as to whatever outcome, helps you to not act out from insecurity).
9. Write a list of all the reasons you are an exceptional catch, all the value you bring to a partnership & why it would be his loss if he was distracted by an attraction to someone else.
There you go 😊🤗❤️
Are you ready to actually experience these mindset shifts, so that you can embody this level of ease & confidence in the face of relationship threats?