Updated: Nov 23
Not getting the love you want? Here’s how you can guarantee getting the love you want:
Master the 7 things listed in the reel below*…
be someone who is consistent, congruent & considerate (to understand more on these 3 elements watch this reel I created);
be someone who creates love from within and brings that into the relationship (this is a mindset of personal responsibility);
be someone who makes others feel very appreciated and accepted;
be someone who doesn't engage in Gottman Institute's 4 horsemen of the apocalypse that kills relationships, i.e. no defensiveness, no criticism, no stonewalling, or no contempt;
be someone that holds space for others i.e. someone who mirrors, validates, empathises with others when they share their grievances, needs, boundaries, feelings etc (so that others feel seen, heard & understood);
be someone that shares their truth, needs and boundaries with love and warmth (and from personal responsibility... I need, I feel, I'm not comfortable with etc.), and not in a way that shames or attacks the other person; and
be someone that is building a life they love, that other people want to be part of.
Sound like hard work?
Not getting the love and connection you need, is harder and is usually the root cause of many other problems our lives.
Usually to master the 7 things set out above, a person needs to: 1. Build a strong self-connection - as in, have self awareness, the ability to self-reflect, to actually feel what they’re feeling instead of projecting it on other people, to know who they are, what they value & what they want 2. Tackle their triggers - address and learn how to self-regulate the triggers that are causing them to “react” from involuntary historical programming, so they can practise the pause, regulate and then choose their new voluntary “response”… I.e. master their mind to be able to relate to others from their prefrontal cortex rather than their fight/flight response, by identifying, tackling and taking the "edge" off their triggers, while also developing the discipline and commitment to pause when dysregulated, and to choose to only respond or engage with their partner when in a regulated state 3. Skill up - Have a willingness to learn and use the skill sets required to safely to hold space for and communicate with others in a way that makes others feel seen, heard, understood, and accepted… which often requires a rewiring of your secondary gain to realise how being a team player gives you more of your favourite feelings than entering a power struggle against another person where you try to feel better than them, or control them or dominate them 4. Get support - receive support and mentorship from someone who shines a light on your blind spots, holds you accountable, and brings you above the line so you move from blaming others (below the line) to taking personal responsibility for the outcomes in your life (above the line) - that’s where my love coaching comes in… plus, I support you through building the connection to yourself (step 1), tackling your triggers (step 2), skilling up from within and skilling up in how you show up externally in conversations too (step 3), and of course, as mentioned, shining the light and keeping you accountable too (step 4).
You are in control of the amount of love in your life… if you have the right attitude and willingness to learn the skill set of real love.
With gratitude, Elise Peck elisepeck.com
P.S. Time to finally get the love you want? Here are a few ways I can help you:
1. Follow me on instagram - it's the place I hang out the most online, let you know when new podcast episodes (for the "Love, with Elise Peck" podcast) have been published, and provide tips to get you real results in your love life (and we have some fun and laughs too!). Click here to follow my instagram account.
2. Tune into the "Love, with Elise Podcast" - enjoy listening along as I interview people with the love they want, to find out how they got that result. I weave in relationship insights, wisdom, practical tips and frameworks on how to get the love you want, as I interview relationship masters... so that you're learning while being immersed in listening to a love story... think of it as an "infotaining" way to learn how to get the love you want. I also interview other love experts and we gain their love tips too. Click here to listen to the podcast.
3. Join "The Love Elixir" - if you're ready to totally up-level your love life, to build a strong connection with yourself, to release and alchemise your inner love blocks, to figure out what has been blocking the love you want, to up-level your inner and outer love game, and to ignite your authentic attractive energy so that you become a magnet and match for the love you want... the The Love Elixir is for you. It's a consume-at-your-own-pace online video course, organised across 4 modules that address the 4 keys to getting the love (and marriage) you want (whether you're single or already coupled up), and includes personalised advice in a Q&A section where you can submit your personal questions and receive a personal response straight from me (Elise Peck). If you're ready to radically up level your love life, click here to get "The Love Elixir" now.