What's the deal with "Surrender"?

Updated: Sep 5

Today has been fathers day here in Australia, and as the day draws to close I took myself on a little insta-scroll. The insta-scroll journey went as follows:

  1. Danielle LaPorte advising we MUST get super clear on a vision to manifest, place that "order" with the universe, then let it go, but infuse our intention into it daily... but we stay with that vision until it arrives. We can't keep "changing our order" with the universe, otherwise we're unlikely to get what we want. (side note: this hasn't been my experience... I evolve my vision as life & my experiences causes me too. I believe clarity comes while in motion and our vision & order with the universe will be a constantly evolving thing).

  2. Gabby Bernstein saying that key to life is to STOP trying to manifest, and instead to surrender. To surrendering our path over to life. (note: this was the main inspiration for today's blog. The power of surrender... but in my experience I have never needed to "STOP" wanting or desiring the manifestation of things...life causes me to want things, then the assignment is now that I know what I want, how fast can I line up with that result energetically & surrender over my resistance to it. To be discussed below).

  3. Preston Smiles advising we MUST get super clear on what we want, then address all the BS reasons we think we can't, then take such bold aligned action that we're fully all in... an action SO big that there's no going back. (interestingly, I sometimes contemplate if there is a masculine energy way of creating a result, and this is the masculine energy way - tunnel vision, and go all in... vs the feminine pathway of manifesting which is a gentle, patient, allowing, following small intuitive guidance, trusting the process and allowing for a gentle transition into the new manifestation which will occur almost the moment you are in a place of neutral appreciation and resonating as already having that result... to be explored more below).

So, that was some mind food and thought stimulation from my evening insta-scroll.

Afterwards, I was contemplating the above 3 messages and considering where they have and have not applied to the magical results that have "manifested" in my personal life.

For example, what has been the common pattern amongst everything I've manifested, including:

  1. Love (Ideal partnership)

  2. Engagement

  3. Wedding

  4. Dream jobs (including being on catwalks, tv, newspapers, magazines in the dance-modelling industry, and then incredible opportunities in the legal industry as a paralegal and lawyer, and then in the corporate consulting world)

  5. Pregnancies

  6. 2 Unmedicated Water-Births

  7. Abundant breastmilk supply, and long term breastfeeding for both my children.

  8. Becoming a stay-at-home mum

  9. Having a lifestyle where I can drop off and pick up my children from school.

  10. Abundant organic produce and nutrition in my life.

  11. Dream homes

  12. Living in specific locations

  13. Ideal clients

  14. Jewellery (including 3 x different engagements rings within the 1 marriage ;) )

  15. Becoming a published Author

  16. Becoming a Coach

...and much more.

When I consider these results, here's what I can tell you is the common pattern amongst everything I've manifested. These are the steps that create the magic*:

  1. The desire is ignited: Some experience in life creates in me a desire for a certain outcome or result.

  2. I declare that desire: either as a statement out loud or in conversation, or written out on a some sort of vision board or journal.

  3. The spoken statement is usually along the lines of "you know what would be really cool? If X, Y, Z?" or "I'd love... X, Y, Z". The common elements of these statements are they're said in a playful sort of "I'm dreaming big, throwing off all limitations and don't really expect this to happen, I'm just playing with the feeling of how fun it is to actually declare exactly what you want" energy. The energy is "I'm fine if this doesn't happen, but wow I'd be really pleased if it did, that would just be ideal".

  4. As I am articulating or writing the new "desire" that feels fun, expansive & aligned, I also spontaneously bring to mind the feeling and the image of the outcome... As I speak or write the words: I am feeling the feelings, seeing what I would be seeing... it's basically incidental, naturally occurring visualisation.

  5. Next, there's 2 pathways I usually take, that both lead to the outcome I want. One feels like an absolute struggle... the other feels like I haven't done anything beyond carrying on enjoying my life.

  6. The first pathway is where I start to feel urgent, panicked, and like I have to take giant, frantic, leaps of action... where I put SO MUCH EFFORT into trying to get that thing to happen ASAP. Eventually I get so overwhelmed, emotional, drained and burnt out on this pathway that one I day I throw my hands up and say "I'm done, fine, fine, I will just let this dream go." Then I sort of revert to only taking actions that feel truly aligned... almost like I do the bare minimum to keeps things rolling while I wait for a new more inspiring dream to show up. It's in this space, this energy of what you might call "Surrender"...where I let go of "needing" that thing to happen, and I just show up to actions if my intuition calmly guides me to them, that the thing FINALLY happens!! This was the pathway I took the first time I gave birth. Wow was I trying SOOOOO hard. Yet, I stalled for 8hrs at 6cms dilated. I was so sad and exhausted when they told me that. The midwives advised that although I wanted an intervention free birth, that they would need to go speak to the Dr about potentially breaking my waters. They left the room to go speak to Doctor, and in that moment I just emotionally, energetically & physically "let go". I sat up and felt really sad and surrendered... like "well, it is, what it is". I stopped "trying" to make the birth happen, and I accepted whatever was going to happen next. I stopped trying to get into this ideal position or that ideal position for birth, I stopped trying to breathe this way or that etc. I just stopped. I sat up. Sighed. Let go. Accepted. In that quiet, surrendered state, I realised I actually needed to wee. So I got up, walked over to the loo in the birthing suite, sat down and BOOM, CRASH, POP... an avalanche exploded from me as my waters burst. After having been stalled for 8hrs, my daughter was then in my arms within 30min-45mins. Meeting my child was on the other side of surrender. The magic was on the other side of surrender.

  7. The second pathway is where I let go of "needing" that outcome to happen right away, or at all. I literally say the thing once, feel the feelings of having it once, decide it would be fun to have once... then I let go of the thought and go about my life enjoying the ride. In some instances the thing manifests that same day, or the next week, or month, or years later... it is always super weird when it shows up though. I'm like, oh yeah, I'd forgotten I asked for that... wow, so that actually happened. Or I say the desire once, but then remember the desire on an ongoing basis, but with zero needy energy around it... more a fun, appreciative feeling, as though it's fun to think that one day that result will show up, but there's zero urgency around it. The key with this second path, is I embody Surrender right away. I don't struggle my way to surrender (as with the first pathway). I just receive the feeling of desiring something, get a sense that it will be fun or lovely when that thing inevitably show ups at some point, but I don't have an urgency around when or even if it shows up... then I get on with my life and bam... one day it shows up, in divine timing, without me feeling like I was waiting for it. This was the pathway I took the second time I gave birth. I didn't resist, struggle or try to force anything. I simply accepted what was going to happen and didn't try to control it... instead I totally let go and let child birth have it's way with me. I was out of my head, I was in my body. I trusted all of it, every sensation. I trusted how my body responded to it. I remained super super calm. My husband says I was just "in the zone" for the entire 4hrs. There was no fear, just an allowing, a surrender to the process, no matter what the outcome was going to be. I had many reasons to be in my head, but I had learned the first time around that the fastest way to move through this, was to surrender over to the process, to let go of needing anything to happen a certain way (while holding an intention around what I would ideally like to happen), to stay connected to my body and to be with it. I wasn't trying to "make" anything happen. I was letting it happen to me... and through me. It was a swift, primal, beautiful 4hr birth. I didn't even attempt to "push" my baby out during the final stage, instead I breathed through my body's natural contractions and let me body "breathe" her out.. I had heard that the body will push the baby out even when unconscious... it knows what it's doing.

(*another step not included above is learning from people who have already created the result I want. I.e. I did birthing course, worked with lactation consultants, people who had become a published author or coach, spent time around people living in their dream homes etc. My inner guidance system leads me to this though... so long as I move from my inner urge, not from the resistance/or fear... it will lead me to people who can show me the way).

In this way, child birth for me, was the ultimate experience of what it actually means to embody surrender.

Surrender is not "giving up", it is accepting what is, trusting what is, having patience, trusting the process, being with the process, finding a way to enjoy the process, and allowing life and your inner guidance to guide you and work through you, rather than needing to "make" things happen urgently.

So - in this way, I hear what Gabby is saying (at point 2 in this intro of this blog article).

The 2 processes I offered above, that both bring me the things I want to manifest: each "work" through the embodiment of "surrender".

The sooner you get to "Surrender" (or, said another way, "Acceptance"), the more enjoyable the process becomes... and when you get to a point of enjoying the process, the prize is inevitable.

Until you embody "Surrender", you will be resisting, delaying and repelling the result you want to manifest.

The magic truly is on the other side of Surrender.

Surrender might also be referred to by some people as:

  • "neutrality",

  • "alignment",

  • "calm",

  • "inner peace",

  • "letting go",

  • "radical acceptance",

  • "trust",

  • "sitting with it"...

I also like to refer to the energy of Surrender as:

"High Intention,

Low Attachment"

As in... you know what you would love to happen and feel expansive and excited about that desire... while simultaneously not feeling desperate or urgent for it to happen.

The biggest obstacle to embodying surrender, and manifesting what you want as enjoyably and rapidly as possible, is your fear or resistance. If you move from fear, urgency, insecurity, panic, strong attachment to outcome, need and lack... you'll be repelling the result.

That's why I tend to focus mostly on alchemising 1on1 coaching clients' Fears and Resistance, into Surrender and Aligned Action. To find out more about my 1on1 coaching, book a free strategy call here.

I'd love to know, do you have any incredible stories of getting to the energy of Surrender, and then the thing finally showing up for you? Share your stories in the comments.

With gratitude & belief in you,

Elise Peck

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